I am going to love (read “hate”) when they run out of fun, “romantic” holidays to make movies about (New Year’s Eve, Valentines Day) and start making them about obscure ones, like Presidents Day or Mailman Appreciation Day. Actually, never mind. Then they may actually be good (damn it Groundhog Day for ruining my joke).

Let’s just hope these films converge with Halloween and get killed off by Michael Myers, because I can’t deal with this shit no ‘mo.

Mother’s Day is the latest  rom-com, filled with a potluck of random celebrities that seem as invested in this film as I am, which is impressive considering how little I wanted to see this movie. I think the gimmick of including as many names and faces as possible (they try to fit them all onto the movie poster) to get people (read: women and their mothers) to see this movie has yet to work in any of these holiday-themed films, with the revolving door of characters coming and going with little to no pay off or importance to the plot.

And, oh my the plot.Grab a drink, this will take a while.

The main plot centers on Jesse, played by Kate Hudson, who “connects” all of the plot lines this movie manages to shove in. Jesse and her sister have racist parent, which in turn provide some of the grossest, most stereotypical conservative depictions I have seen on the screen in a while. And I saw Red State. 

Apart from dealing with these awful characters, she gets to deal with many more, including her recently divorced best friend (Jennifer Aniston), her other best friend with marriage commitment issues (Britt Robertson), a husband and his dead wife (no, seriously), and a television sales woman played Julia Roberts, whose wig is doing its best ‘Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory‘ impression. And together they learn the power of friendship, or some bullshit.

Overall, there are some good things about this film. The actors aren’t horrible. They better not be, considering the cast this movie has pulled from. The writing, however, is a mess. The characters are no more than caricatures of “people.” Nothing really happens in this movie. The conflicts are minor and, in the end don’t really get resolved, except for the main plot line.

And. Its. Not. Funny.

I found myself eye-rolling most of the time, with only a few laughs to give, which is incredibly sad considering that they wrote in a character who is supposed to be a stand-up comedian (what did they do to you Jason Sudeikis? I like you.)

This movie was made to make middle aged women laugh, which is insulting because I know my middle aged mother has better taste than this. Its light on everything: comedy, substance, heart, story, and purpose.

If you are looking to take your mom out for a movie this Mother’s Day, take her to anything but this. She may write you out of the will.